On Missionary Mothering

Two weeks ago we had our last NavNite (our weekly large group meeting on campus).  Sixteen years of these weekly meetings, some years never missing one, other years with babies and toddlers, hardly attending at all.  These meetings are not the heart of what we do on campus but they are one more of the "lasts" that my heart is taking time to embrace and close the door on.

Needless to say it was an emotional night.  Hubby and I were given time to share our final thoughts - in a funny way it felt like a backwards memorial service.  (We literally declined to select the worship songs for the night!)  As the evening played out a few men and women shared a prepared highlights of interactions with us through the years.  After this time anyone in the audience of 75(???) students or so was welcomed to share funny stories or things they learned from us. Lots of laughter and trickling tears, just as the evening should be.

But what also unfolded that evening was reflective of my current reality of life as a mommy missionary. So many men had countless stories to tell of Jeff.  One after another and another and another they shared.  Sitting up front I started to squirm a little inside.  Of course I was proud of my husband and enjoyed in his moment to shine.  But it was plain for everyone to see that not as many women knew me.  Not as many women had funny stories to share.  Not as many women were discipled by or traveled with or laughed late into the night with me.  Why?  Because I wasn't there.

I wasn't there because I was at home.  With my kids. While they need me at home my first ministry is to them.  And to my husband, enabling him to go outside our home. Most days are full of life and good things, but not much time on campus doing "formal ministry". For me this meant that I didn't have 30 women stand up telling funny stories about me after seven years of ministry here. I had to ask myself if that was "o.k."

As I reflected on the evening I thought, Would I change anything about where I spent my time? No,  I wouldn't.  Sure I would have liked more women to know me.  To see I can be crazy too, just like the handsome man next to me.  And to go deeper into the Word with them.  But wouldn't it be sad if tonight all these women knew me but my kids didn't?  I would have failed.

Don't get me wrong, I did do ministry outside my home. My husband has faithfully freed me up weekly to lead Bible studies, workshops or evangelism.  I am very grateful for his willingness to give me these opportunities. Through the years I went deeper with a few women;  whether we were meeting for formal training or just doing life together (I've dragged more than one to grocery shop with me!).  And other times I've invited women into our home opening the Bible together or just cleaning windows or folding laundry while we talk.

And several gals did share that night.  One woman in particular made my heart sing.  Not because she praised me, but because of what God showed me through her generous words. She noted that in college women are focused on preparing for a career (as they should be) but zero time is spent preparing for marriage and mothering.  By my absence I was modeling what they needed to "hear" about these roles.  What no other voice was saying. Your time at home as a mom is a worthy investment and shouldn't be looked down on as less important. She reminded me that the husband in Proverbs 31 is able to be at the gate because he has a good wife at home keeping things going. 

Besides how to love Jesus, this is my biggest burden to pass onto women: loving their husbands and their children well, with purpose and lasting impact. Sometimes this means getting a sitter and showing up. Often though when they are little, it means staying back.   I never gave a NavNite talk or workshop on the subject but somehow God got it across without any "formal ministry" happening.

God surprised me that night by showing me all that He was doing when I wasn't even showing up for "ministry" in my mind. He revealed to me that when I do what He is asks of me, He will bless my absence as much as my presence.  He will reap where I didn't even think I had sown.  And really that is how it should be, isn't it? We both know WHO deserves all the glory and praise for anything good we get to join Him in doing.

As we say goodbye to seven years at this university I pray God will do the same thing again.  I pray He will use our absence as much as our presence and continue on the work He privileged us to be a part of for this season. I have full confidence in the staff team we are leaving behind and I know He will continue to use them in awesome ways once we get out of the way!!! :)