Vacation Time!

Our Family Vacation to the Black Hills

Funny and often Ridiculous Quotes from our Trip:

"Stop Wiggling" - Hubby to the Things at the ice cream parlor
Five minutes later...
"If you don't stop wiggling that cow skulll will fall on you."
Five minutes after that...
"Don't eat the napkin" - Hubby to Thing 2
Five seconds later...
"Oh, you ate the napkin."

"DON'T LICK THE LAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - me screaming across the beach to Thing 2 (ugh!)

"I'm glad there is a video on so we don't have to look out the BORING window" - Thing 1 to Thing 2 while we drove through the mountains. Kids!

"Woooowwww!!!" - Thing 2's reaction to his first cave.

"Hey, Dad, Thing 1 needs your help!"
"With what?"
"He can't get down!"

"Well, Mommy outfished me again." - Hubby
"Oh know, Double trouble!" - Thing 1

"Hey boys, go sit on that bomb!" - Hubby to The Things

And now for some pics:


We had to stop in at WalDrug of course and have ice cream.


Smores and Hot Chocolate around the campfire, now we're talking!

Hiking around one of the many beautiful lakes (okay, I can't remember the name, but it was a nice little path).

Fishing was great almost every place we tried, it was really fun!

Thing 3 wasn't really into the whole backpack, don't let the smile fool you. Whenever he was on my back he mostly screamed in my ears his dislike of being on my back.

Really great little hike around Pactola Lake, there were great views of the lake, fields of wildflowers and wooded spots as well. The Things made it the whole 3/4 miles, with lots of water breaks of course.

Junior Ranger "hike" at the Wind Caves National Park. The Things didn't care so much what he was saying, just really wanted to go into the cave!

Which we did - I only got one picture because the boys complained it hurt their eyes.

We spent several hours most every day on the beach, the Things alternating betweening digging and fishing with Dad.


Storybook Island was the one sort of touristy thing we did but it was free and the boys loved it. Tons of slides and things to climb on and even a little train to ride. It was fun to run into good friends from Brooking there as well which I think the Things thought was totally normal. Notice the other Things in the background of this Dr. Seuss photo.



Really great hike around Silvan Lake at Custer State Park. It had tunnels, forests and cool rocks all around this one mile hike. I also outfished Hubby here pulling in the only trout of the day, but he reminded me that he put the worm on for me - now that is love!




On the way home we stopped at the Air and space museum.



The Things getting ready to blastoff on the rocket!

This is where hubby said - "Boys, go sit on the bomb!" Really, we do love our kids, I promise!

Life and "Shoulds"

I'm still processing (i.e., journaling) a lot about Heather's death, but I haven't posted much about it partly because I'm afraid you will think by now I should have moved on or perhaps you are tired of hearing about it. There are many other things I do think about during the day and times that I'm really able to enjoy life and those around me. But there are also times I feel guilty enjoying life knowing those who will always feel her absence the most are still deeply grieving and probably wondering how to move forward from here. Oh, those wretched "shoulds!" I should be sadder, I should be happier...one thing is certain, there is never any peace in the land of "shoulds."

For what it is worth and for those who can relate to my feelings(though I think we are all entitled to grieve in our own way and at our own pace), here are some snippets from my journal lately.

One of the central messages I keep going back to is to really appreciate the preciousness of life. Life truly is God's greatest gift to us. It's pricelessness measured in the devastation we experience when it is lost. Heather's death is my life's merciless instructor, lecturing me on the frailty of my humanity and the pricelessness of each day.

When I think about how messed up this world is and how mothers should be allowed to live long enough to raise their babies, my mind wanders back to the beginning. Oh, how God's heart must have broke with the first crunch of forbidden fruit echoing through the Garden. For with it He knew that death had now been invited in to destroy His Precious Children. I feel I understand Him better knowing a glimpse of the heartwrenching pain He experienced the day we turned our backs to Him. He is drawing my heart into a closer intimacy with Him, bound together by our shared suffering. I'm comforted knowing He weeps with me, just as He wept with Mary and Martha.

So where do I go from here? Away from the "should's" and imaginary expectations of others. I need to accept His gift of life for each day that He gives it. That is the only way I know so far to start the healing.

Help me, Lord, to truly LIVE each day.
- When it is time to grieve, help me grieve. My humanistic aversion to pain wants to skip ahead past this place of sorrow to the Day when You promise to "wipe away every tear" at the Great Reunion.
- When it is time to embrace others in our shared suffering, help me to embrace and not hide my pain, somehow ashamed that I'm sad or forever pretending "everything is fine."
- When it is time to lay down my anger and forgive, help me to reach out with the same mercy You continually extend to me, knowing I too make mistakes.
- When it is time for me to love, help me slow down to give one more hug, kiss one more owie, wipe one more sticky cheek, and make one more pb and j.
- When it is time for me to live, help me to nuzzle one more fuzzy baby head, say one more bedtime prayer, take one more walk through sunny gardens, hold one more hand, enjoy one more amazing sunset through spent thunderclouds overhead, say one more prayer for those who are suffering, and lift up one more praise for your most precious gift - LIFE.
Life, within me.
Life, jumping and wiggling around me.
Life, beside me, holding my hand.
Life, with it's eternal promised sealed in my heart.
Life.

Jesus Wept

Even after 8 3/4 years of marriage, hubby still surprises me. He wrote this poem for me after Heather died. I'm probably biased and a bit flattered, but I think it is excellent. I hope you enjoy it too.

"Jesus Wept"
By, Hubby

On seeing Lazarus bound in death,
Our Lord and Savior, Jesus wept.
Two sisters from their brother parted,
Aching, grieving, broken-hearted.
And when they see the Prince of Life,
They feel not joy, but deeper strife.
“If you had come, all would be well!”
Martha accuses Emmanuel.
“Believe in me, you’ll never die”
Replies the One who tells no lies.
“But so my glory you may see,
I come here to weep with thee.
You are grieved by Lazarus’ death,
Yet I’m the one who gave him breath.
This world is not as I intended;
So I, the Father sends to mend it.
My life, for you, I freely give,
So with loved ones you may live.
And when closest friends from earth are swept,
Know that like you, with you, I have wept.”

Snapshots of our Life.

Thing 3 is 3 months old now!

Hanging out at the local pool.



We took a spontaneous picnic last week in our beautiful downtown gardens. I think Thing 2 took this picture, along with lots of pictures of the ground and his feet. :)


We celebrated the 4th by going to the parade of course. The Things begged for candy from every person, firefighter, policeperson, and tractor that passed by. We joined some friends for fireworks and grilling out later that day. Our friend took this photo and had asked the boys to lay down, and they all did...just not all in the same way! Ahh, 3 year olds, you have to be soooo specific!

Ahh, aren't they cute?! Not sure why one is crying...hmmm.

Uncle Sam Jam - our city puts on a big to-do after the parade. you can go jump, ride ponies, a train, etc. all free for the kids. One of the perks of living in a small town I guess.

Enjoying the bikepath about 5 minutes from our house.

The first fruits of our garden. If you can tell me how many cups of grated zucchini I got from this one I'll send you a prize. Really! Just take a guess. And then stop on by for a loaf of zucchini bread anytime!

Okay, further proof that Reverse Osmosis Water Filters are worth their weight in gold, or in this case, sludge! Ick. This is what it looks like if you haven't changed it in 3 years (just 2 1/2 years past the recommended life of the filter). Won't do that again!

Thing 2 with his prized balloon sword. It was good for about 3.4 minutes of entertainment until it popped.


And saving the best news for last...another great reason to live in our po-dunk town. WE ARE GETTING A CULVERS!!!! Can anyone say, "heart bypass"...yum! I can taste the deep fried cheese curds already!

Memorial Ride for Heather

This past weekend around 100 riders gathered to "finish the ride" for Heather. What a beautiful way to honor her legacy.

This Side of Heaven

My disclaimer - I'm flippant at times, but honest. Writing is my release.

On June 22 my very dear friend Heather left this side of Heaven for the next. Since then I've felt every extreme of every emotion and I know that mine are just scratching the surface for what her husband, four young children, parents and other family must be feeling.

This is my first really close friend to die. I know people deal with this sort of tragedy every day all over the world, but this heart wrenching grief is new to me. I feel angry at the injustice of it all. I feel sorrow knowing I will never talk to her again in this life. I feel guilty for "moving on" with my life. I feel frustrated that others move on when I just want to grieve. I feel relief and healing telling funny stories about her with friends who loved her best. I feel anger toward that stupid driver who was looking for his phone instead of looking at the biker on the road...until it was too late. I feel helpless to help those who I know are grieving her loss the most. I feel afraid that God just might decide to take someone else that I love. I feel confused about things I used to be so certain of.

On June 21st I would have steadfastly defended God's sovereignty in every situation. But June 22nd brought a whole different perspective on this doctrine. Don't get me wrong, I still believe that God is all knowing, all powerful and all good. And strangely, this somehow brought me comfort during the days of saying goodbye at her visitation and memorial service. But it isn't as neat and tidy as I once had it in my mind. There are lots of loose ends and questions that I probably won't have answers to in this lifetime. Like, for example, if it was God's will for Heather to die, and in such a brutal manner - why? And if it was, was it also His will for this man to kill her?

I know, I know, - death was NEVER part of God's plan for any of us. We chose death when we chose to rebel against Him. In His mercy He grants us new life in His "plan B", life eternal that Heather is now experiencing in the full for eternity. And it was that man's sin, and probably the drugs they found in his car, that killed her.

In the midst of all my questions and rantings I know that I really have no right to question God, but I'm so glad that He patiently allows me to anyways. I know that His heart is broken over His broken Creation more than mine will ever be. I know that He knows that life on this side of Heaven really sucks sometimes (sorry to be so blunt). And I am so grateful that this isn't the end. I'm so grateful that He gave His life for this broken world so that we can live forever in the next. I know there will be good days again. I know His mercy will carry us all through, and I already have been experiencing it. But for now, for today, and probably tomorrow and the next, life on this side of heaven is really, really hard.

Heather - my dear, dear friend. You loved Jesus so well and He loved on us through you so well. I will really miss your wise counsel, your patient ear, your sunny smile and perspective. My house is filled with rocking chairs, knitted items,
"bibs" and baby blankets that all bring a smile to my face and a fond memory of you. I'm so happy for you to be in heaven and so sad for all of us still waiting on this side. I love you, friend.