It's a Girl!!!

This post is a bit delayed but adding another family member makes this crazy life even fuller. And since I'm literally trapped under my sleeping third child

I may as well write this post I haven't made time for yet. 

A few weeks ago we completed what has turned out to be a mostly open adoption of out new little girl... Zoey.

She is a mama's girl and sticks to me like glue. She is slowly warming up to hubby. Sometime in her past she was abused by a man (but not by the woman we got her from). Since she is 1 1/2 yrs old we kept her name. And thanks to a little surgery two days ago, and much to the Things dismay, she will never have puppies. 

We love her to pieces - even when she chews on our lego pieces. And we are slowly raising the balance of boys to girls in this house! We are also very lucky to have Molly living with us who can educate me in all the puppy training skills I so clearly lack. 

She likes to curl up "like a doughnut" to sleep - according to the boys. 

She also likes to have her belly rubbed, squeak her toys way too much, and go on runs with me. The Things are convinced her spots mean she is part Dalmatian. Lol. She is lab mixed with "whatever dog got out that day." According to hubby. 

Welcome to our family, Zoey!

Did God Send His Son to Kindergarten?

Did God ever send His Son to Kindergarten?  This morning Thing 3 teared up and told me he was going to miss me at K.  My resolve to send him trembled along with my heart; I pulled him into my lap for a long hug.  I know God never sent His Son to K, but that doesn’t mean He can’t understand my heart today.  In fact, this ache helps me understand His Heart a little more. 

I sent T3 off today hoping he will make new friends, be accepted, run and laugh and play and learn.  God sent His Son off without a single hope that He would experience any of those things in this world. What parent would willingly send their child out knowing they would be persecuted, despised and rejected?  Does this make God callous and cruel? Or does it reveal the depth of His love?

God knew Jesus would land in the middle of a mad man’s mass murder plot right from birth.  And His life would end, temporarily, on earth with His eventual torture and murder some thirty years later.  How much harder must it have been to send Him, the exact imprint of His image, into the world knowing all the rejection and pain He would endure? Why would a loving parent do this? 

God also knew the only way to get all His children back was to sacrifice His perfect Son to make atonement for us all. All in order to send me, and all the world, a message.  I miss you.  I love you.  I want you back.  I want it so badly I’m giving up the one Perfect relationship I have in order to restore all our relationships.

And after Jesus endured the cross, making purification for My sins, He returned to sit down at the right hand of His Father.  Me, I ‘m just looking forward to T3 returning in a few hours and sitting down to a pb and j together.  And in the in between time, with every little pang of separation, I’m reminded of His incredible LOVE for me…for us and the separation He endured on my behalf.

How Deep the Father’sLove for Us

How Deep the Father’s Love for us

How Vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

And make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss

The father turns His face away

As wounds that mar the Chosen one

Bring many son’s to glory

Little Steps to Big Things - Sending my Youngest to K

If you were to open my chest and see my heart, what would you see today?  This first day where all my little chicks are off on their own.  My youngest gently but firmly explained yesterday on our way to share the first day of K that he needs his space.  In 5 yr old words, but with the wisdom of someone much older, he knew I needed that little talk.  And as his teacher explained to the class that the first day is the hardest and each day will get better, I stood in the back and tried to believe her.

If you could see ache, that is what you would see.  Ache that my little man isn’t with me; my sidekick these past 5 years.  Ache over his sweet words during an early morning snuggle last week, “I love you, mommy.  I’m going to miss you when I’m at K.”  Ache from holding back the words, “Let’s just put it off one more year, shall we?!” I know deep down past that ache he really is ready to go. 

And even though he will miss me and I’ll miss him, I know these little steps away from me are so very important. I know those little boy legs sticking out from that big backpack will carry him confidently to run, jump, interact and discover what life is like apart from me.

I know these steps into K lead to bigger strides into 1 – 12^th grade and beyond.  And by enduring the ache and letting go of his hand I’m saying goodbye to my baby and hello to the man he is growing into a little more each day.  A man of character and godliness, of compassion and grace.  A leader and follower, a husband and father….to hopefully lots of little girls!

As I let go I run to the Arms of the One I’ve clung to all along.  I relish in the quiet.  I soak up the beauty around me. 

I meditate on His words of Love to me.  I reflect on my failures and delight in His grace.  I plead for my sons’ protection and growth.  I thank Him for His tender love and guidance.  And I wonder, now that my hand is free of all the sticky little hands I love the most, at least for 3 hours a day, what will He Guide me to do?  What is the best use of my time? Where can I make the biggest contribution to His Kingdom.  I picked up a copy of this new book, my first reading assignment.

I know I want to make a weekly 3 hour date with Him.  I want to write words that will encourage others while sorting out my own heart.  And I want to invest in someone else – if for nothing else than to guard against making this all about me.  But for today my time is up…it’s time to go hold that little hand a lot more. J

How to Not be a Jerk (or Jerkette)

...that was the working title of my new booklet. :) It got tweaked a bit and the real title is, "How to Talk to Women: Why it Get's Awkward. How to Talk to Men: Why we Emotionally Attach."  We released it in May but with all our travels I'm just posting about it. 

My target audience is mid-teens through 20s, but really anyone who interacts with the opposite sex could benefit from it, single or married.  It is short (44 pages) and compact in size (4x6) intentionally so it can be read through in one sitting or in a discipleship setting.

I learned a lot in this writing-for-print process (i.e., this was realllllly stretching for me!) Thankfully God provided all the right people with the know-how to get it done in time. More than once I remember throwing up overwhelmed prayers for guidance. Time and again God put the right people in place to help.

Among those answered prayers were some very helpful folks at NavPress (who helped with editing and all sorts of printing, paper and layout advice).  He even provided a friend who knows Jerry Bridges to get the foreword written.  Wow!  My writing group along with a few other pre-readers provided lots of helpful feedback. And I tested my friendship a bit with my takented graphic designer friend, Virginia, to get an awesome cover design. Only in God's perfect timing could this have all come together.

 If you would like a copy or know someone who might please email: emotionalintegrity@gmail.com.  They are $3.

Would you do me a sweet favor and "share" this post to spread the word?  And say a little prayer that it will bless the folks who read it as they pursue healthy, freeing and honoring relationships with the opposite sex. Thanks!

Packing with Kids

We were blessed to make 4 separate trips - 3 of them for ministry -  this summer.  We saw so many old friends and made plenty new ones.  But that meant 4 different times to perfect the art of packing three boys and everything we would need for the next 3 -14 days.

On the first trip I quickly made out a list for the older two Things to pack on their own.  20 plus hours in the car later we are unpacking at our hotel in the CA desert and T2 announces he doesn't have any shorts.  It's over 100 degrees outside.  Wonderful.  Later at home I reread my list, sure enough, shorts were not on it, but his swimsuit was, so he put that on until we could make it somewhere to buy shorts.

I offered to step down from being in charge of packing but hubby declined my resignation.

Shortly after returning from that trip we left for a weekend up in the mountains.  We had several unexpected and costly delays but we made it in time to teach that night...just barely.  After a quick dinner we unloaded the Things and their bags out of the jeep and hubby says, "I don't see thing 3's bag."  Huh.  I KNOW I packed his bag.  I inspected everyone's bags.  Apparently I didn't carry his bag DOWNSTAIRS though like the other 2 had already done.  So there we are about to go teach on healthy relationships to 70 collegiates and staff and the tension is thick between us.  Hubby says, "I didn't forget it." (To be fair, he denies making that comment but I know it was awkwardly addressed who had in fact left his bag behind).  I breathed deeply and said, "Neither did I....T3 Did!" We said no more and went off to our workshop.

Again I tendered my resignation from being in charge of packing and it was denied.

So off we go for our third trip that summer - this time purely for pleasure into the Rockies.  And I made a through list, checking it twice for the boys to follow.  Day 2 we head up for a 4 1/2 mile hike and T1 announces he never packed his tennis shoes.  Now I KNOW I put them on the list...he just forgot.  He hiked up into the snow in flip flops and never complained.

I don't think I even bothered to try and resign from packing before our 4th and final trip.  I did make a very detailed list with boxes for the Things to check off as they packed them! They did a great job and I check their bags for leaving for another 20 hour drive, this time headed east.  Everything seemed in order until I was finishing up that last load of laundry and noticed one of the boys didn't have any underwear in any of the loads I'd done.  After further interrogation I asked him if he had packed 6 pairs as directed.  He replied that he had indeed.  I asked him where he got 6 pairs...at this point he said he wasn't sure if they were supposed to be clean or dirty so HE PACKED BOTH.

I give up....He was right, I had not specified on the list that the underwear to be packed should be clean...Lord, help me.

Making Ripples

Whenever I hear a leadership message I immediately filter it through my mommy brain and ask, How can I translate these leadership principles into my mothering?  

This morning I heard a wise man speak on how to be an influencer of generations. I have to start with the generation that is under my care every day. Yet, right now I as I write I can hear one of them whining downstairs in protest of my instruction to go use the restroom. I hesitate applying what I just learned, If I can’t seem to influence them to potty in time, how can I train them in the eternal weighty things? The four principles the speaker listed seemed so straightforward this morning…and then I came home. :)

Still the charge God has given me is clear and the goal worth giving it my all. My job, as the speaker summed up (and I mommy-translated) is to be a faithful messenger of the love and grace God extends to my children. I’m to train them to live by His safe guidelines for their lives by pointing them continually to His life-giving Words. These are the Words that will make the biggest difference. As a result of routine training over the next 10 - 15 years, hopefully they will grow to be the kind of men that will influence others in these same principles.

As I reflected on the message I asked myself, Am I leading them to You daily? Both directly – through reading and memorizing the Bible together and prayer.  And indirectly – with my actions, attitudes and words?  There’s the rub.  It’s the day in and day out that gets me, where my sin shines the brightest in my impatient tone and begrudging routine service. 

It is an impossible task – to lead them perfectly every moment of every day.  I feel overwhelmed. I can’t do it. I can have a quiet time with them but I can’t hide my sin.  Why would they want to imitate my imperfect faith? But then He asks me, “What if you stopped hiding from your sin and modeled repentance?” It’s humbling, but affective, when I look in their little eyes and give them a full apology for my mistakes in parenting. That’s when I see Him working through my mistakes, turning them into living examples of grace for them to remember.

What if the right attitude and clear eternal goals in the heart of one mom radically changed everything in the lives of three little men? What if they grew up to be influencers in His Kingdom because of the choices I make today?  What if what I’m doing now in my little house within in my neighborhood nestled in my city someday impacts the world?

That is what the speaker on leadership tried to get us to see. That is what he meant when he talked about a ripple in a pond making a bigger impact than a single splash.  I’m here…cleaning dishes, scrubbing toilets, sometimes patiently talking through tantrums and squabbles…but I’m making ripples. If I do it with love and obedience to His Ways, then they will be ripples that imprint His Message on their hearts. Ripples that will go much farther than my two feet will ever travel.  Ripples that just might change the world.

Spring Celebrations - Utterly Blessed

In March Thing 2 turned 8!  

Much to my dismay he requested rollerblades. Be still my mothers heart, there are a lot of big hills in our town! I instructed his father to buy as much protective gear as possible. :)

Two weeks later Thing 3 turned 5. I'm almost over being sad that my baby is a real big boy now.  Almost. 

Then in May Thing 1 turned 10! We surprised him with a room makeover while he stayed overnight at a friends. 

Since it is his golden bday he had a golden cake!

For Mother's Day the boys surprised me with a lunch out to Steak and Shake. Yum! I loved that they thoughtfully planned a place for us all to enjoy. 

I'm very blessed to be a wife and mom to these men, big and little. I'm not sure my heart could get much fuller. This morning I meditated on 1 John 4:12-no one has ever seen God, but when we love one another His love is perfected in us and He abides in us. I can't see God- but with every little boy smile or kiss, and hug from my hubby, I know He is here. And He has utterly blessed me. Not bc I deserve it, but bc He is Love (1 John 4:10).

And the Starbucks and tulip delivery from my amazing husband are just icing on the top. 

Her Perspective

Yesterday I took a walk with a friend.  She had homeschooled her two children and her youngest just started her freshman year of college. She mentioned how lonely it was at first to come home to an empty house. I had just struggled to just get two of the three things out the door, shoes and helmets on, everyone pottied in preparation.  When we finally set off two houses away I noticed one Thing had a flat tire. We switched to a scooter, kept on walking and stopping and walking, and talking, and getting interrupted again and again and again. Later the other Thing’s chain came off his bike and we had to push it the rest of the way home. So when I say we went for “a walk” it is in the loosest sense, and full of life along the way.  Thankfully she had all the perspective of a seasoned mom and didn’t seem to mind all the stops and starts.

About 20 mins into our journey it started to rain (of course).  Thing 3 was a bit ahead of us on the trail and Thing 2 was stopped and lagging behind.  I hollered to encourage him to pick up the pace pointing out the precipitation. She looked back at him and quietly commented “these are such precious years.”  She said it with a smile and eyes full of memories.  I looked down the path again at my son struggling with his scooter, this time with her years of experience. Instead of yelling again to hurry him along I jogged back to help him. Her comment help me refocus and see: the fun of this exuberant age, the companionship of our children, the gift of living life together, even with all its stops and starts. 

This morning my mind flashed back to her comment and I thought about all the times I long to go for a long, uninterrupted run all by myself. Or carry on a conversation with a friend without a million little questions interjected. I set off on walks with my kids forgetting it isn’t all about me and the miles I want to cover.  It is about them too.  It is about teaching them (and remembering myself) to push through on the up-hills.  To coast (but not too fast) on the down-hills. To laugh at the flat tires and slipped chains. And most of all to enjoy the people (big and little) who are on the path with me.  Sure, its okay…and very good for mommies…to take long solitary walks.  But I don’t want to value those uninterrupted times more than the choppy ones with my children.  All too soon they will be grown and I’ll be looking back alone on the path with eyes full of my own memories…or maybe I’ll get a puppy. 

Funny Things

The other day my eldest son informed me that I “hog chocolate.”  I neither confirm nor deny that observation.

T3 brought this home from Sunday School. I laughed for a good five mins. I wonder what the teacher thought?

While we were all eating breakfast one morning T3 must have asked someone to refill his water bottle:

Hubby – “We should install a giant hamster water bottle on the wall for you boys so whenever you want a drink you can just go and drink right out of it….  But I suppose people would think we are strange.”

Me – “People already think we are strange.”

T1 - “Why? Is it because you won’t let me have  a pet cobra? (What??? Where did that come from?  Later I found out that hubby had told T1 that when he was an adult he could have a pet cobra but his mom probably wouldn’t visit him very much.  Sighh……)

T3 – “Yeah, he would need his driver’s license to get one. Right, mom?”

This morning T3 handed me his play-away stories from the library to adjust the headphones. 

T3 – “If I listen to earphones too loud my ears will get plugged up and only the Lord could heal me, right?”

And after asking Thing 2 for the zillionth time not to goof off in the parking lot (he looked like he was doing some spastic dance, when in explanation he was trying to only step on the shiny things…oh, okay).

T2 – “Yeah cause if I got hit by a car I would die and you would be sad.”

Me- “Yes, I would be very sad to live the rest of my life without you.  But I would be happy for you to be in heaven with Jesus.  Heaven is way better than earth. But I do hope that I die before you, son.”

T2 – “Yeah, me too.  (long pause) Whoops, I blew it again. I’m not supposed to say I hope you die first.”

How to Know if your Child is Ready for Kindergarten

The question of the hour here is: Is Thing 3 (who will turn 5 this spring) going to be ready for K come August?  I returned this morning from registering him in our school district which requires a: file full of papers, 20 mins online, 3 hours searching for a birth certificate you later come to realize you never ordered (did I mention this is the third child?), and an amazingly only 30 min. process talking to two different people at the school district office (last time it took over an hour. I lucked out and the nurse hadn’t arrived yet at 7:30am so I got to skip her).

All this while I internally wonder, Is he ready?  Our other two boys did PreK at 5 and K at 6. Am I pushing him out of the nest too soon? Should I homeschool him longer?

I scanned an article the other day about readiness signs and talked to a couple experts on Skype (2 of my SILs are teachers).  They reassured me that the youngest child is often more ready early on bc they have learned so much from watching older siblings.  I think this is very true – but I’m still not totally convinced. I know he is ready academically, but what about socially and emotionally? 

 I made a checklist here that might help you decide as well:

Social Skills: Check – randomly uses potty words and giggles. Just the other day he chanted off “Poop! Pee! Poop! Poop! Pee!” happily as he helped set the table. He will fit right in at the lunchroom table.

Fine Motor Skills: Check –  He can definitely hold a pen and is apparently a creative genius thinking outside the confines of plain old paper for his latest art endeavor. Hubby wisely had me check his back to make sure no other Things were involved.  This was all him!

 

Verbal Skills: Check – Just yesterday morning over breakfast T2 called him a "Screaming Banshee."  T3 quickly responded, “You’re a Screaming Banshee of Doom!”  Adding “of doom” to any sentence means your son is verbally developing right on track and will be able to hold his own among his peers.

Awareness of Others: - Check – T3 is well aware of what his brothers are doing, and he is NOT doing, right around his bedtime.  The unfairness of the world weighs heavy on his little shoulders as he goes to bed a full 30 – 60 mins before them most evenings.

Self Care: Check (and the angels sing “halleluiah”) – he takes care of #2 start to finish now.  I can totally deal with a plugged toilet from exuberant TP usage – much better than none at all. 

Self Assertive: Check – he learned at an early age to scream the loudest and longest if he ever wants to be heard above the din of two older brothers.

While registering him this morning they asked if he has an IEP (I don’t know what it stands for but basically they are asking if he needs any extra help or services).  I said, “No.  But he does have two older brothers and that should qualify anyone for counseling.”  And in his case, it made have also given him just what he needs to attend school outside our home come fall.  We will see if this mama can let her last little duckling fly yet…sigh.

New Year's Resolutions

During New Year's day breakfast I asked our family to share their hopes for the new year. 

Thing 1 : I'd like to charge people two dollars to teach them how to play Age of Empires (entrepreneurial at age 9...okay then)

Thing 2: I want a bigger allowance!

Thing 3: I want to go to Sonic more!

Not exactly what I had in mind, but this does accurately mark where we are this year. :)

  Me: I really miss leading Bible study - If God provides the time and the women, I'd like to do that again this year.  :)

Kid's Say the Darndest Things

 We have a rule in our house that if you don't know what a word means you can ask and you won't get in trouble for using it.  About a week ago we oh so joyfully and peacefully and not-snapping-at-all at each other decorated the tree after countless days of begging from one of our more party oriented sons.  It took longer than normal being in a new home and figuring out where everything should go. 

I often feel the tension to want to create special holiday memories but still maintain some sanity and order with three little men.  Not too worry, my kids are bound to say or do something memorable along the way.  And though I'm a little nervous about what you will think about me as a parent, or my missionary children, I have to write this one down so I don't forget it in years to come. 

After the tree was up we were discussing where to put the extra lights when one of my sons volunteered, "I know where you can hang them, Dad."

"Oh, where is that?" hubby replied.

"You can hang them on your A_ _" he cheerfully suggested.

Hubby and I exchanged the: Did he just say what I think He said  look across the room.  Yes, yes he did.  Do we laugh or scold or both???

Then he followed it with, "What's an A _ _?"

Hubby quickly took him into the other room away from his other brothers to explain what that meant.  It was all for naught though bc a few mins later he returned to the peanut gallery on the couch chanting, "Hang them on your A _ _! Hang them on your A _ _!" 

"Well okay, boys, decorating is done!  Let's go play!"

This seemed like the most appropriate pic to follow that story.  (If you are wondering who the extra chic is, she isn't my daughter or my sister.  She is the wonderful woman who keeps us sane with date nights and sees all our junk and loves us anyway.  She is living with us this year in our basement.)

_____________________________________________________________________________

Just a few days after that incident Thing 3 (who is now a whopping 4 1/2 years old) announced to me, "Mom, I'm a heavy drinker." 

"Really?" (again totally perplexed where they pick up these phrases, we don't have cable and never watch TV except for the Packers of course).

"Yeah, I drink a lot of Almond Milk."

"Oh, okay."  I decided it would be too complicated to explain that one to him so I just let it drop. 

The Brain Transplant - A Spooky but True Story

      I’m not a big supporter of the spooky side of Halloween but I am a fan of free chocolate.  All those Mounds bars that my kids don’t want are happily consumed by this momma.  So in the spirit of free candy and all that is good and chocolate, I share this true and spooky story with you.

The Brain Transplant

 “I found your brain,” the mother said to the father in passing one autumn evening.  She looked down the hall at her husband on the couch next to their seven-year-old son.  Seeing the younger one’s wide-eyed reaction she immediately followed with, “Yeah, Thing 2, every boy has a brain transplant when he turns eight.  We didn’t tell you because we didn’t want you to be nervous.”

“What?!?!?!” the nearly eight-year-old boy replied with fearful disbelief.

“Yeah,” the father chimed in, “the brain your mom found was mine.  See, here it is.” He holds it up for Thing 2 to see.  “But don’t worry, you really don’t remember it. That’s why I can’t remember much from my childhood before I was eight.”

“Nuh uh! You guys are just teasing me!.....Right?! That’s not your brain,” Thing 2 says with a lot more question than conviction. 

At this point the mom is seeing $10k lost if only she had a secret video of this whole conversation to capture and send off to AFV.  Her son’s wide eyes are priceless and she can barely hold back her grin.

Later that evening the nine-year-old male child with a mostly unhidden smile tells his younger brother, “It’s true.  I had my brain transplant last year.  And when you get your new brain you know all your math facts. It’s kind of nice.“

“Nuhh Uhhh!” shouts Thing 2, still not certain but pretty sure his family is trying to freak him out.

She isn’t sure what made her do it. It wasn't planned, it just came rolling off her tongue. Somewhere along the way of raising three male offspring she exchanged her clear conscience for a good laugh. Perhaps it was all the years of potty mishaps, tantrums, and endless sibling squabbles. With three sons you learn to laugh before you dissolve into tears.  Like when one small boy manages to splatter vomit on five surfaces in the bathroom, just inches from the toilet. 

Whatever it was that made her say it, the mom knew she needed to put this seven-year-old’s brain at ease.  After a few hours feeling less guilty and more amused than she should she decides to fess up to the truth.

“Thing 2, you are right, that isn’t your Daddy’s brain.  It is coral.”  Just as the relief is registering fully in his big brown eyes she adds with a twisted grin, “They don’t really let you keep your brain after the transplant.”

“Nuhh uhhh!!!! It’s just coral!  They. Don’t. Give. Boys. A. Brain. Transplant!!!!!”

She just smiles and walks away…some days I really think they should!