Little Steps to Big Things - Sending my Youngest to K

If you were to open my chest and see my heart, what would you see today?  This first day where all my little chicks are off on their own.  My youngest gently but firmly explained yesterday on our way to share the first day of K that he needs his space.  In 5 yr old words, but with the wisdom of someone much older, he knew I needed that little talk.  And as his teacher explained to the class that the first day is the hardest and each day will get better, I stood in the back and tried to believe her.

If you could see ache, that is what you would see.  Ache that my little man isn’t with me; my sidekick these past 5 years.  Ache over his sweet words during an early morning snuggle last week, “I love you, mommy.  I’m going to miss you when I’m at K.”  Ache from holding back the words, “Let’s just put it off one more year, shall we?!” I know deep down past that ache he really is ready to go. 

And even though he will miss me and I’ll miss him, I know these little steps away from me are so very important. I know those little boy legs sticking out from that big backpack will carry him confidently to run, jump, interact and discover what life is like apart from me.

I know these steps into K lead to bigger strides into 1 – 12^th grade and beyond.  And by enduring the ache and letting go of his hand I’m saying goodbye to my baby and hello to the man he is growing into a little more each day.  A man of character and godliness, of compassion and grace.  A leader and follower, a husband and father….to hopefully lots of little girls!

As I let go I run to the Arms of the One I’ve clung to all along.  I relish in the quiet.  I soak up the beauty around me. 

I meditate on His words of Love to me.  I reflect on my failures and delight in His grace.  I plead for my sons’ protection and growth.  I thank Him for His tender love and guidance.  And I wonder, now that my hand is free of all the sticky little hands I love the most, at least for 3 hours a day, what will He Guide me to do?  What is the best use of my time? Where can I make the biggest contribution to His Kingdom.  I picked up a copy of this new book, my first reading assignment.

I know I want to make a weekly 3 hour date with Him.  I want to write words that will encourage others while sorting out my own heart.  And I want to invest in someone else – if for nothing else than to guard against making this all about me.  But for today my time is up…it’s time to go hold that little hand a lot more. J