Are you my Friend?

        I recently came across a book entitled “Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy.”  Hubby and I got a good laugh out of that title because it is so spot on.  Raising a three-year-old boy is a lot of laughs and almost equally a lot of frustration!  But understanding how his little mind works and that his erratic behavior is “developmentally appropriate” (as a beloved friend once often said of any child’s behavior) makes it easier to laugh instead of sigh in irritation.  

      Just take this morning for example:

•   Thing 3 asked me to get some clothes for him and put them in the living room (friend). I was happy to comply realizing that the simple act of putting on clothes to go outside in zero degree weather was possibly not going to be a battle today. 

• After helping T3 finish up in the bathroom (friend) he trotted out to the living room and complained that he didn’t want to wear THAT OFFENSIVE orange shirt (enemy).  I reply that if he doesn’t like the clothes I picked out he shouldn’t ask me to get them (okay, I could have kept that comment to myself).  He grumbles back to his room to pick out what was so obviously the RIGHT t-shirt to wear under his fleece. (BTW I laid out two fleeces and let him choose so I couldn’t get that one wrong!)

• T3 comes back and struggles to get on his underpants (it is a tricky process when you are three) and commences complaints that I gave him underpants with only one leg hole (Enemy).  Tempting as that would be I didn’t.  I also kept my comments to myself trying to gain back “friend” status sooner than later.

•   T3 accomplishes putting on undergarments and pants but needs help with his snap.  “Would you help me?” (Suddenly we are FRIENDS again!).

•  T3 goes back and happily chooses the navy blue fleece that looks just like the other navy blue fleece and asks for help getting it on (friends) but when I don’t get the shirt underneath JUST right he grumbles some more (enemy). 

       This back and forth game continues all morning, afternoon and night as I look to him as to know which hat I’m wearing…friend or enemy! Being three is a difficult dance I can empathize.  He so badly wants to be in charge and independent like all the big people around him but he still needs lots of help just getting through the day.  I can see why he so quickly switches from Jekyll to Hyde with each experience.  And I know deep down he really does love me even if he treats me like the enemy! Right around the corner of every three-year-old frown is a voluntary "I love you, Mommy" that melts my heart right back into being his friend.

       Sometimes I wisely choose to avoid the battles by giving him choices when I can and using silly humor that he loves (“put your shoes on your ears please and get ready to go!”). Other times I play right into his on-and-off bad mood choosing to be his enemy; I’m not proud to say it but it is true.  Even on my third time around this three-year-old merry-go-round I’m still working on my balance and trying to get it more right than wrong.  I console myself that he will probably need less therapy as an adult than his eldest brother!