H.A.L.T.

H.A.L.T. is a nifty parenting tip I picked up somewhere along the way.  If you or someone you know, big or little, acts a bit cranky or unlike their usual self you could ask, Are they Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Or Tired?  So many times this little trick has helped me properly assess a tantrum and come up with a helpful solution.  The key is to address the real problem behind the behavior (sometimes in addition to your normal discipline).

Take tonight for example.  As we picked up toys before dinner my 3-yr-old didn’t want to clean up his cars.  After a time-out for disobeying he still insisted he was not going to comply (have I mentioned he can be a bit strong willed?).   I realized he had missed his usual snack after nap and had complained about 30 mins earlier that he was hungry.  Bad mommy.    I decided to put the acronym to the test and excused him from his time out bench straight to the dinner table.  After dinner he willingly (okay, under threat of no dessert) picked up the cars with a much better attitude and no tantrum.  

This reminds me of a little problem I have all the time with my own behavior.  The issue isn’t just my behavior itself, it is what is driving it. I impatiently push for my own way, hurting my husband in the process.  Or I yell at my kids in anger threatening them into obedience.  The behavior is different but the driving force behind it, which is the real problem, is the same. 

 My selfish heart that just can’t seem to love others more than I love myself…not even close actually.  The key to changing my behavior is to address the issue behind it, my desperate need for a new heart. Thankfully the solution is as simple is the acronym I used above, though much more costly in its application. When I surrender my heart to the One Who created it, He gives me His love, patience and humility that never fails for those around me.  He takes my misbehavior and gives me a clean start every time.  This is only possible because He took my punishment for me – death, and in exchange offers me new life.

When I find myself being crabby I need to HALT and remember how well He loves me. The new life and heart that is mine for the taking.  This softens me, changes me, fills me with the love I need for the precious people, big and little, around me. 

2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore if anyone is in Christ (s)he is a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come."

Are you my Friend?

        I recently came across a book entitled “Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy.”  Hubby and I got a good laugh out of that title because it is so spot on.  Raising a three-year-old boy is a lot of laughs and almost equally a lot of frustration!  But understanding how his little mind works and that his erratic behavior is “developmentally appropriate” (as a beloved friend once often said of any child’s behavior) makes it easier to laugh instead of sigh in irritation.  

      Just take this morning for example:

•   Thing 3 asked me to get some clothes for him and put them in the living room (friend). I was happy to comply realizing that the simple act of putting on clothes to go outside in zero degree weather was possibly not going to be a battle today. 

• After helping T3 finish up in the bathroom (friend) he trotted out to the living room and complained that he didn’t want to wear THAT OFFENSIVE orange shirt (enemy).  I reply that if he doesn’t like the clothes I picked out he shouldn’t ask me to get them (okay, I could have kept that comment to myself).  He grumbles back to his room to pick out what was so obviously the RIGHT t-shirt to wear under his fleece. (BTW I laid out two fleeces and let him choose so I couldn’t get that one wrong!)

• T3 comes back and struggles to get on his underpants (it is a tricky process when you are three) and commences complaints that I gave him underpants with only one leg hole (Enemy).  Tempting as that would be I didn’t.  I also kept my comments to myself trying to gain back “friend” status sooner than later.

•   T3 accomplishes putting on undergarments and pants but needs help with his snap.  “Would you help me?” (Suddenly we are FRIENDS again!).

•  T3 goes back and happily chooses the navy blue fleece that looks just like the other navy blue fleece and asks for help getting it on (friends) but when I don’t get the shirt underneath JUST right he grumbles some more (enemy). 

       This back and forth game continues all morning, afternoon and night as I look to him as to know which hat I’m wearing…friend or enemy! Being three is a difficult dance I can empathize.  He so badly wants to be in charge and independent like all the big people around him but he still needs lots of help just getting through the day.  I can see why he so quickly switches from Jekyll to Hyde with each experience.  And I know deep down he really does love me even if he treats me like the enemy! Right around the corner of every three-year-old frown is a voluntary "I love you, Mommy" that melts my heart right back into being his friend.

       Sometimes I wisely choose to avoid the battles by giving him choices when I can and using silly humor that he loves (“put your shoes on your ears please and get ready to go!”). Other times I play right into his on-and-off bad mood choosing to be his enemy; I’m not proud to say it but it is true.  Even on my third time around this three-year-old merry-go-round I’m still working on my balance and trying to get it more right than wrong.  I console myself that he will probably need less therapy as an adult than his eldest brother! 

40 Days with God

               

       We kicked off the new semester with a 40 Day Challenge to our student leaders.  It is a Bible reading plan that lasts for 40 days, with the idea that if you do something for that many days in a row it will become an ingrained habit.  I can think of nothing more important to teach another believer than the regular habit of reading and applying God’s Word.  Nothing will impact them more for a lifetime than applying what God has to say about them and Himself in the Bible.  

Right now we are reading through Genesis covering 3 chapters a day.  Some of my thoughts are:

•   Mankind was charged to take care of the earth and all the animals in it.  When man rebelled and sin entered the world, not only did he suffer but ultimately those under his care.  Along came the flood that wiped out not only mankind but all the animals and creatures on the earth save a few.  The animals never sinned – nor are they capable – but they suffered right along with mankind. 

The same premise applies today – if I rebel and sin, those under my care will suffer. When I make bad choices those around me are affected.  The most vulnerable to my wrongdoing are my children and that pierces my heart like nothing else can.

•  God put a rainbow in the sky after starting over with mankind.  He did this to remind them that He would never again flood the whole world.  It must have been a horrifying experience to be in that ark knowing what was happening outside of it.  I’m sure more than once when it rained Noah and his family were tempted to start running for the Ark, but the rainbow reminded them of God’s promise. 

•   Despite Abraham’s best efforts to mess up God’s plans and foil His promises to him, God perseveres in faithfulness to Abraham.  He rescues Sarah twice when Abraham hands her over to another man to protect himself (which I also noted a future Pharaoh was much more unwilling even after plagues to let go of Abraham’s descendants).  He also overlooks Abraham’s attempts to fulfill the promises of an heir himself with Hagar.   

                God’s graciousness and faithfulness to us in some of our weakest moments is what stands
          out the most to me in these chapters.  His love for me and the fulfillment of His promises are
          not based at all on what I do but entirely on Him and what Jesus accomplished in my stead on
          the cross.

Check out what our student friends think about Genesis on FB - look for the "40 Day Challenge" group.  

Sanitary Faith

Well, I wrote this a little while ago but wonderful Christmas company and travels, restarting up ministry activities and putting the house on the market have consumed all my energy lately!  Pray for us!  And for what it is worth here is my last post regarding Christmas.

Dear Molly,

Luke 2:1-7

When I read the birth-plan that God had in place for His firstborn I can’t help but pity Mary a little bit. This is because I’m so prone to pity myself when God’s plans are not working out as I had hoped.  I wonder if she thought God had somehow lost control of the situation.  I know I would have!  Instead of being in her own familiar home with her mother to help her through her most difficult moments, she is in a strange city without even the privacy of a room to rent and her fiancé as an unlikely midwife.  

I can imagine a hundred scenarios that would have been cleaner, more comfortable and more holy (in my skewed definition) surrounding Christ’s birth than what God hand in mind.  But Jesus didn’t come seeking recognition, though no other birth has ever been more worthy of praise.  And He didn’t come looking for a sanitary and painless life.  He came to challenge my tidy and religious faith.  He came to rescue me from my filth on the inside, not worrying about the outside.  He came to set me free from the eternal pain of living without His Love and Peace that completes me like nothing and no one else can.  

This story reminds me that God sees the big picture.  He knew His vulnerable newborn Son needed the obscurity of His birth to hide him away from jealous eyes of King Herod.  He knew that soft hay and a feeding trough better represented the purpose of Christ’s coming than the finest of cradles and comforts of home.  And He knew that a few foreign wise men would finance His safe escape to Egypt and keep His secret from Herod best until the time of His public ministry.

In my immaturity I think that if I am following God’s plans for my life it should be comfortable, sanitary and full of helpful support from those who know me and love me best.  This story, like many others in the Bible, reminds me once again that God often lets the dirty, uncomfortable and lonely things work out His plans for me. He knows I will learn more from them than I would the easier path. Or as C.S. Lewis puts it, “that in His effort to get permanent possession of a soul, He relies on the troughs even more than the peaks” (The Screwtape Letters, chapter 8).  He shows up in the most unlikely of places and does thing opposite than what I expected. Nothing illustrates this more to me than an Infant King cradled in a feeding trough, in a dirty cave tucked away in a little town called Bethlehem.

Abba, when I try and re-write your plans to make them cleaner, full of acclamation, and free of pain help me to remember that You are in control.  And remind me that You have a purpose behind it all.  Help me look for You where I least expect to find You – not in the best of homes but in a manger full of hay.