Chocolate Doughnuts

December 20, 2011
Dear Mrs. Thing 3,
    An important event happened in your husband's life yesterday. He went poop on the potty for the very first time (and hopefully not the last or you probably would not be married today). Of all the Things he held out the longest on going #2 in its proper location. Of course he also potty trained the earliest so I guess you can decide if that makes him the smartest Thing or not.
    After over a month of bribing, nagging and praying last night it finally happened! While riveted to Peek-A-Boo with Big Bird on the computer he announced he needed to go. I immediately stopped cooking dinner and encouraged his endeavor. Thing 2 even wandered in to read him a book to help him along. But as it turns out Thing 3 likes to do his business alone (for which I'm sure you appreciate about him) so alas Thing 2 got kicked out after one story.     
    After a few minutes time – which I think is a record for males of all ages – he announced his success. Thing 2 could not contain his excitement as this meant everyone could finally go out for chocolate doughnuts for dessert. Many friends sent texts of congratulations wishing him well and general thoughts of encouragement for the future of mankind.     
    Some people probably think it strange to write about such uncouth matters – but the more children that I raise the more I realize the true importance of the basic things in life. It is all these little steps of independence that will someday lead him out of my front door as a man and into your life. So don't forget to reward all my efforts with lots of little grandbabies – girl ones! And when it comes time to potty train them I have two words of advice "chocolate doughnuts."