Grief is so irrational sometimes. I can walk past the rocking chair Heather and
her husband gave us as a wedding gift a thousand times and not shed one
tear. And then today when I opened a
cupboard to put something away I saw her name and address written on a box that
holds our batteries and immediately burst into tears. Even though with the passage of time I have
gotten more used to her not being here my heart never stops missing her. Upon further inspection of the box out of
pure curiosity I see it was shipped to her at our old address in Madison that
we shared years ago from her very best friend in CA. I wonder what treasure was
inside.
Why would one little cardboard box that I can’t even
remember acquiring somewhere along the way trigger such tears? And yet as I fix my tea while writing this
post and think of all the times Heather would pour herself a cup of plain hot
water to warm up I just smile and laugh at her quirky ways? Grief doesn’t make much sense to me. But it does make the Gospel make more sense. When I think of how God’s heart broke with
the words, “What have you done? Why are you hiding?” upon discovering Adam and
Eve had welcomed sin into His Perfect world, and with it death to everyone, I hear
the agony behind those words deep in my heart.
I feel the pain of Heather’s loss – He felt the pain of every loss.
It makes the Gospel that much more precious to me, knowing
that not only does it bring new life and hope for the here and now through a
restored relationship with my Creator – it brings forever life on the other
side of heaven. I can’t wait to see Heather’s
smiling face again when I get there. And
in the meantime I’ll keep smiling over her funny ways and crying over her
absence at unexpected moments. And even
though I would take her back a thousand times instead, I’ll embrace the lessons
I’m given from her loss. Understanding
God’s heart in the Gospel a little bit more is one of them. Thank you, sweet friend…I miss you.
1 comment:
I so wonder what was in that box. Is it an old battery box or just a box you use hold your batteries? There were many boxes that went both directions :) I have a bag that she bought me from some trip she went on that we use for a library bag, its about done- holes now in the bottom but I can't throw it out. I folded it up and tucked it away. I suppose because there won't be any new memories of her, so I have to hold on to the old ones that much tighter. Many days things like that just makes me smile, but other days I am a flood and my eyes leak our onto the floor. I appreciate your reminder of the connection of loss to the heart of God, who gave so much so that we could gain so much. Love your words. Peace to you!
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