A Mommy's Screwtape Letters

(based on C.S. Lewis’ classic, Screwtape Letters)

                Satan to his nephew Wormwood: “Remember when you are assigned to a Mom, your mission is on two fronts.  If you can defeat her, you will successfully defeat her children.  To wear her down you must be on continual attack.  We cannot actually touch any of God’s children but we can use our powers of suggestion and give every opportunity for temptation.  The ultimate goal is to keep her busy nagging, cleaning, yelling and bemoaning so she won’t even think about taking time to read her Bible and pray.  That is the worst possible thing that can happen. 

                Use the forces around her against her.  Try whispering into her toddler’s ear, ‘Candy. Suckers. Chocolate.  Cookies.‘ and watch as he incessantly pesters her for sweets.  Repeat this every five minutes and by noon she will be yelling that he will never eat anything again. 

                After she lashes out in anger remind her of the Bible study application she made to practice patience.  Quote Ephesians 4:29 about not letting any unwholesome talk come out of her mouth and watch as she withers into herself.  But be on your guard, you cannot let her guilty conscience lead her to an act of repentance.  If she shows signs of remorse quickly distract her. Remind her how much she sacrifices as a stay-at-home mother of three.  Throw in a bit about how good her husband has it away at his job every day and you are well on your way to moving her from guilt to self-pity.  If you can keep her from apologizing in time your work will double its reward. That toddler will grow up to be self-righteous and unwilling to admit his mistakes, all at his mother’s hand.

                 Now switch tactics to any other offspring in her care.  Make sure they have plenty of ideas for play that involve every toy and craft item in the home.  When she goes downstairs to check on them you will know how well you did by the look of astonished anguish on her face. Any sense of accomplishment she felt while you were elsewhere is all forgotten now. Whisper that favorite lie that her how her work is never done and her kids will never learn to clean up after themselves.  This will cause her to speak harshly toward her children, barking out orders to clean up their mess.

                This is a critical moment in the battle that you cannot lose.  At all costs the children must not obey their parents, at least not right away.  If they learn to obey their parents they will someday learn to obey Him.  You have to distract them continually from actually doing what is requested of them.  The less they clean up the angrier she will grow and the more she will yell.  Eventually they will be coerced to obey her, but the more miserable you can make them all in the process the more ground you will have gained. 

                If by naptime she still persists in opening her Bible, make sure you cause some sort of disturbance to immediately wake the children.  At all costs she must not actually read Scripture or ask for any assistance from Him. The Bible is her greatest weapon and one that we cannot defeat.  If you lose the battle on this front then you will be reassigned in disgrace.