Proper Order

Well, I didn't win that writing contest. Shucks - no free writing conference for me. I knew it was a long shot but hey, you gotta try, right? I'm not trying to gloss over any disappointment here - it would have been fun to win and all - but I feel like I realized a few things about myself from not winning.

When I read the email saying I wasn't selected as the winner my very first reaction was shame. Whoa - where did that come from??? Why am I ashamed that I didn't win? It was fleeting but it was still there. What is it about failure that is so hard? Could it be that even after walking with God all these years, memorizing verses on my identity in Christ, spending countless hours studying and meditating on my value in Him - after all this my self-value is still wrapped up in my performance? When will I get it?! The feeling was fleeting - but it was still there.

I think I'm growing up out of this though...to "my" credit (really, Who is in charge of the Growing here, we all know it isn't me) - a few years ago it would have taken me a week to even tell Jeff I didn't win...I told him within a few minutes. A year ago I wouldn't have even entered. And if I did, I wouldn't have told ANYONE about it, much less posted it for all the world to see. Much less encouraged anyone else to join in bc after all they will probably send in something way more impressive than I could ever write. After I read through the "rejection email", digested it, I looked around (literally at all my Things and hubby) at how abundantly blessed I am and I thought - "oh well. my life is pretty darn good."

I think I'm getting a little more used to rejection - which from what I here is essential to surviving in this world of writing. Partly, I'm just more confident that writing is something I should be doing and rejection is just part of the deal. Partly I'm realizing that the world's acceptance and praise isn't quite as important to me as it once was - things have fallen a little more into their proper order. I look around and see all the THINGs that are most precious to me and I feel a lot better about the day. Even more importantly, when I focus on who He is and what He has asked of me I'm not so worried about being accepted by everyone else. This frees me up to write, put myself out there, and keep on doing whatever He asks of me.

What has He asked of you? Do you have things in Proper Order so you are free to do it? I'd love to hear from you...and not just so you'll praise me (though that would be nice too! ;) )