What are you Waiting For?

What are you waiting for? Are you waiting for things to get better? For those test results to come back all clear, that car to return your loved one safely home, the depression to lift, that relationship to be restored?

After a year of waiting here is what I think I know: It is that thing that taunts us to fear/complain/give up... that also challenges us to change. For so long I've wanted to worship the wrong Jesus. I want the Safe and Easy Jesus that keeps my world pain free and everyone around me healthy. But as long as I hold to that false idol I'm unable to grasp the real Jesus.

With each new trial God gently peels back my fingers to show that the control I thought I grasped was just empty air inside my fist. When I fix my gaze on Him my hand does not stay empty for long. His promises to be near fill them as I grasp the One who really is in control. The One who doesn't promise a worry free life, but promises to hold my hand through it all. 

I wonder if is this why Jesus said we are blessed when we are "poor in Spirit"? (umm, that doesn't sound blessed to me). Maybe what He meant in part is that when we realize we are all indeed poor in Spirit then we finally let go of the empty air and open our hands to Him. "…for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven."(Matthew 5:3)

I like the Message paraphrase because it leaves little room for my ego, "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and His rule."

On paper and in public that is what I want with each passing year. I want more of God and less of me. Yet I sincerely wish I could get there without the trials. Looking back on a lot of waiting, surrendering, praying and trusting I know that without the trials I would never welcome the change. My fist would still be closed and possibly shaking His direction. And it would be empty. 

I think He is using the hard to unfold my fingers, not to be mean, but to fill them with Himself, the only One Who really satisfies. 

 No matter what you are waiting for today friend, I pray you know the One Who is there to hold your hand through it all. 

That's where my thinking stands today…but I'll keep you posted. ;)

Seen

Raising three boys I've learned to tune out a lot of noise and adapt my ears to selectively hearing only the most important things, like "Blood!" "Fire!" and the scariest of all when raising boys...silence. And after decades of reading the Bible it takes an extra effort to not gloss over the familiar lines of the Christmas story and catch all the important meaning. 

Recently as I read, "The angel went to her and said, 'Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.' "( Luke 1:28) I took time to stop and ponder all that might have been happening in Mary's heart as she heard these words.

"Greetings…"

After 400 years of radio silence from God He sends a heavenly messenger to a lower-class single woman living oppressed under Roman rule. Nobody who was "anybody" in her world ever noticed her.  And with no warning at all Mary is suddenly aware that she is SEEN by the most important ONE of all. 

Isn't this what all of us long for, to be seen?

"Highly favored one…"

Before she can even get over the shock of God seeing her, she is told she is favored by Him. He has CHOSEN her out above all the rest.

And don't all our hearts beat with the same desire? From day one of our existence we long to be loved, special, chosen.

"The Lord is with you…"

The incredible news continues to roll in. Since leaving the garden of Eden God has not dwelled WITH us...until now.  And it starts with Mary. He even calls His Son, Immanuel: God with us.

It's what we all long for and what drives us to be seen and chosen, our deep need for relationship. We long to be WITH.

 Through Mary's story God begins to restore us to Himself: 

The One Who sees us. 

The One Who chooses us.

The One who offers to be With us. 

In Mary's story we witness the beautiful unfolding what God has been doing over and over from the beginning of creation, reaching out and entering into relationship with anyone who is willing. 

"...even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ…" Ephesians 1:4-5a

Dear One, you are SEEN.

4 More Easy Steps to Becoming an Old Lady

 Step 6. 

Now that your kids tower over you, and try to push you over when they hug you, they are not so small and cuddly any more. Brace yourself for a big row with hubby and buy a small dog that will forever remain cute and cuddly (except when it is barfing up the stick of butter it swiped off the table).

Step 7. 

Time to put those knitting skills to good use now that you actually have time to knit again - there are hundreds of free doggy knitting patterns just calling your name.

Step 8. 

Remember the good ol' days (a year ago) when you used to go to body pump three times a week? That was silly! Instead of bulking up you are more focused on stretching out those tight achy muscles at yoga.

Step 9. 

 Say goodbye to real butter, white rice, white bread, anything tasty…except chocolate, never say goodbye to good dark chocolate.

5 Easy Steps to Becoming an Old Lady

 With the top of the hill in (hind) sight, I pause to the reflect on the easy downhill slide into older age. And yes, I know in 20 years I'll think 40ish is young, but the progression to older is gradual even if it comes faster every year. Here are 5 easy steps to join me in "laughing at the future" (Proverbs 31:25). 

Step 1

Instead of posting pics of your cute babies because they now are too busy glaring at you in embarrassed dismay, post pictures of the flowers, tomatoes and green beans you are growing this year. 

Step 2

Now that you have all teens they stay up way past your own bedtime. Instead of reading to them perched on the side of their beds, let them turn out the light for you on their way out of your room after you enjoy another chapter together. Or, more likely, remind them to clean up after their 3rd post dinner snack as you head off to bed.

Step 3

Ask your husband to buy you a hummingbird feeder for your birthday. Now that you don't have to constantly be watching your kids to keep them from serious injury, you have a few moments to watch other things. 

Step 4

You might be feeling discouraged by now so let me give you one tip to govern that downhill speed. With a few adjustments you can put off glasses even longer - just increase that font size on your kindle and convince your family to move the family pew up a few rows. The upside to continuing to put off getting glasses is you can't see those new laugh lines very well.

Step 5

Comment frequently on the weather, your latest lab results and PT for that tendinitis. Privately ponder over how your undergarments all started rapidly shrinking - surely the dryer is on the fritz or it's cheap GMO'd defective cotton. Commiserate with your friends over coffee how they just don't make things to last like they used to in the good ol' days.

Lest you think these years are far ahead of you, be careful and watch your step!

2020 and The Nativity

How would you describe 2020? Unplanned, unwanted, unexpected?

Did you have a wedding interrupted this year? The Bible tells us of a young woman who can relate. Just when this Mary was about to begin a new exciting chapter, engaged and planning her wedding, everything changed. An unplanned pregnancy and all around her look on her with suspicion. There will be no joyous family celebration on her wedding day, instead she is quietly married to her betrothed with no friends in attendance. 

Did your birth plan get disrupted by Covid? Perhaps you felt lonely and isolated by all the restrictions. Mary’s plan to have the loving support of her mother, the local midwife or maybe a sister did not happen. Instead her crazy out of control life got even crazier as her time to deliver grew nearer. Caesar’s decree sends her on an unwanted journey with her new husband to be enrolled in the census. They don’t know a soul in Bethlehem or surely someone would have taken them in during her greatest time of need. Instead of her mother calmly telling her what to do during her labor, she hears the stamping of her donkey, a few nervous sheep, and a cow shuffling in the straw. The world’s most unlikely birthing suite and the most unprepared midwife, her new husband blushes as he helps God’s Son enter the world. 

    Did you move unexpectedly this year, forced to flee for your life from NYC or another country? Instead of returning to their hometown of Nazareth, this new little family are sent on another unexpected journey to Egypt. (Matthew 2) They are literally fleeing for Jesus' life as a crazy king murders many innocent children.

Yet the miracle of all that was unfolding in Mary's life must have burned brightly in her heart, pushing away the dark scornful glances, the sorrow of separation, the stench of the stable. She knew what grew within her - Christ her Lord was one with her and would soon enter the world. 

Because of Mary’s willingness to let go of her well ordered plans and surrender to God’s plan, she was able to partner with Him to give us all access to that same hope today. Hope for a better future and to never walk through the trials of this life alone, even a pandemic. Just as she anticipated Jesus’ arrival at the end of 9 months, we can anticipate His second coming; Heaven and Earth restored as God intended all along. A world with no more sorrow and no more tears (Rev. 21:4). So even in the midst of chaos like 2020, we can rejoice like Mary did as she celebrated with Elizabeth over the great news of Immanuel - God within her soon to become God with US! 

Mary’s Song

And Mary said:

“My soul glorifies the Lord 

    and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,

for he has been mindful

    of the humble state of his servant.

From now on all generations will call me blessed,

    for the Mighty One has done great things for me—

    holy is his name.

His mercy extends to those who fear him,

    from generation to generation.

He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;

    he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.

He has brought down rulers from their thrones

    but has lifted up the humble.

He has filled the hungry with good things

    but has sent the rich away empty.

He has helped his servant Israel,

    remembering to be merciful

to Abraham and his descendants forever,

    just as he promised our ancestors.” Luke 1:46-55 NIV

Back to HOMEschool Prayer

 This morning I hastily wrote out a prayer in my rush to squeeze in a little time alone with God before we started our first day of school. Our day is done and we are all still talking to each other so I'd say God answered!

Abba, thank you for a new day. Please fill me with your love, the most important ingredient as we start school today. Help me to be fully present, love well and enjoy our time of discovery and adventure together. I know there will be some groaning and maybe even whining; I'll try not to do it too much. :) And if I hear it from others, help me not take it personally. Thank you for the privilege and resources to teach from home and spend our days learning together. Amen.

You won't have to guess which poses my kids chose and I went along with. All part of being a boy-mom (which I love!)! 

                                                                Socially distanced and ready to roll! 

going a little crazy with the masks. 

Thing 2 says "The whole year is going down the toilet." We shall see!

Thing 1 actually starts his hybrid online program next week - but he joined us for Bible and Current Events this morning. 

How is it possible my BABY is starting MIDDLE SCHOOL!???!!

Zoey is a bit worried to start middle school and requested her own therapy dog.

Below is a reflection from the past year I spent on sabbatical along with a little attempt at art in hopes it might encourage someone else. I was in a weary place but am so happy to be living much more free and unfettered now!

“Free and unfettered…careless in the care of God.” (Matt. 6:26) When I read these words I see a winding cement path lined by tall grasses and wildflowers. It is tucked between rows of backyard fences, a place to wander open spaces in the middle of suburban sprawl. Down a hill I find a stream under shady trees. It is really only city rain water, but it slows to run over rocks creating a soothing bubbling sanctuary. 

In the past year I walked that path many times with an empty soul and heavy tread. I so wanted to be free and unfettered, careless in the care of God, but how did I get there? Fully spent, I plead these words back to Him, asking Him to show me the way. 

I love that He chose something so common that, no matter where we live on this planet, we would have this feathered reminder. Look! See! Listen! Whenever you hear a bird trill or see a robin hop branch to branch, let your mind go back to my promise. This is the life I want for you. Free. Unfettered. Living under my care. 

O soul are you weary and troubled? Look at Me. Remember my LOVE. I’ve got this. Exhale. Let go. Be free.

I wander back up the path, gathering wildflowers as I go. A small bouquet grows in my hand and a little more shalom fills my soul. It takes many walks, many paths and many other new rhythms to find my way to that unfettered life. It is not a life without cares, it is living knowing He does.

Remembering - Thing 2's Birth-Day

We recently celebrated Thing 2's 14th birthday. 

I did a little reminiscing in my journal:

Fourteen years ago today I thought I had one more day to be pregnant, shop for a new baby outfit to take to the hospital, go out for a Thai dinner date with your dad and get induced the next day. But you had other plans. Instead I waddled through contractions at the mall while buying said outfit. Your grandma looked on with worried glances fearing I'd have you right there in the children's play area.

Later when the contractions didn't stop I told your dad we better skip the Thai food and head to the hospital. I made him drive thru Arby's on the way (my previous labor lasted 30 hours and I wanted a final meal). Once we got there your dad sat quietly in the corner of our room eating his fries while the nurse gave him dirty looks. He outed me telling her I ate mine in the car! Sure enough that was all enough commotion to stop my contractions but given the choice to induce then or the next day at some unknown hour, I chose then!

Three hours later (TWENTY SEVEN hour quicker than your big brother) you came into the world. I looked at your big soon-to be brown eyes, and fuzzy blond head,  held you close and sang you your special song. When they put you in my arms you taught me how the heart miraculously expands in an instant, making room to love one more.

Coming in a pound heavier and an inch longer than your brother,  that outfit was too small. But the stocking cap I bought did fit. Your dad proudly exclaimed you were the ONLY baby in the nursery with a monkey hat.

The pediatrician came to see you and his first comment was about your big hands and feet - I thought that was a funny thing to say when you look at newborns every day. But I figured that meant you were going to be tall, growing into your paws like a puppy. And as you already tower over me that prediction was correct!

From the moment you could crawl right at 6 months, you have always been on the go with your eye on the next adventure. My only goal is to keep you alive and out of trouble. I was disappointed you skipped the sitting up and staying in one place stage. You've stretched me with your abilities to climb too high, swallow things you shouldn't (batteries!) and your love of all creatures (even snakes!!!).Two sons in under two years, our quiver was rapidly filling up.

Oh how I love being a mom. Each new day brings new adventures with three boys that are all too quickly becoming men. We love you!

Watercolor

Sent off my first commissioned piece today. About a year ago I took my first class purely for something new and creative to do in a time when I felt very EMPTY. (I also bought a $100 piano but that is a post for another day.) Anyways, this has become more and more of a thing I turn to for refreshment and fun. And to my great surprise someone other than my husband and mom wanted a copy of this. She is a friend, but still, it sort of counts, right?!

Funny Things

We have a pet mouse named Rufus. He is stuffed and goes on a lot of trips with Jeff. But that is a story for another post. Our oldest, Thing 1, is 15 1/2 (gasp) and likes to place Rufus places for us to find him. And then we hide him back and forth. Not long ago I found Rufus had gotten into some candy.

And then I found our new vacuum had been upgraded with EYES! Thing 2 got creative.

And Zoey had her 7th birthday on Valentine's Day (bc when your kids want to know their dog's bday and she is a mutt off of Craig's list, why not make it on Valentines?). Thing 3 asked how long dogs live. So we asked Alexa "who" informed us an average dog lives about 15 years. T3 replied - "I'd say Zoey is pretty average." :) :) :) He still doesn't understand why I giggle at the things he says. Someday.

Signs of the Times

Sometimes I can't resist a little humor with my signage. 

When Thing 3 (age 10)  saw this he said, "I'm going to make a sign about all the snarky signs you make mom!"  Ohhh, that boy makes me laugh!

Or going a little #mandalorianmom

My Husband said I Should Title This - I HIT THE JACKPOT

Twenty years ago I sat across from this cute younger man at Muddy Waters coffee shop. I asked for a small hot chocolate and he ordered me a medium. We played Battleship and I wholloped him and he didn't seem to mind. Towards the end of our time together he told me he liked me. I told him I needed to think about it. I wondered, Do I really like him or do I just like that he likes me? As we left I headed out the door one direction and he another. He says when I looked back he knew right then She likes me, she just doesn't know it yet.

Now he likes to tell people he was clueless and persistent (I would take a month to email him back). I would add a tad overconfident; I found out after we were engaged he thought I only checked my email once a month. The hot cocoa told me he is generous, the game showed me his is confident, and the persistence paid off.

Fast forward twenty years and he is still spoiling me, pursuing me and always willing to keep learning and figuring things out together. We've been in counseling for about 6 months(?) of my sabbatical and even though I say it is for us he mostly listens while I talk and cry and unburden my heart. But he shows up and is willing to learn the secrets to a healthier marriage and life right alongside me.

He wasn't the first guy I had dated, but I plan on him being the last. And we are still having so much fun together! 20 years ago was hot chocolate, today it was a snowy hike in the woods followed by a flight of pancakes at Snooze. I can't wait to see what 20 more years brings. Happy Like-A-Versary, hon!

First Day of School Pics 2019-2020 - Yes, those are Handcuffs.

These boys are growing way too fast and it is hard for my heart to keep up.

Thing 1 started high school! He has the flown the homeschooling coop and is doing a hybrid program where he attends 4 half days a week. He is looking forward to electives in backpacking and beekeeping! (hmmm, I wonder if a hive would fit back by our chicken coop).

How is it possible my "baby" is in 5th grade? I think I should have held him back.

And our resident middle schooler is looking forward to TRACKS with his best friend  (an outside-in-the-woods school one day a week). 

We had a GREAT first day together just the three of us - and the noisy parakeet, co-dependent dog, dwarf hamster and chickens. We enjoyed a big breakfast and Bible time all together as a family, rode bikes and climbed trees for PE, and then got down to business with some seat work.

Homeschooling tip --- handcuffs help.
Kidding!!!! (mostly)

Pantry Mini-Makeover

Our bifold doors could not hold up any longer to two teen and one tween boy! I'm pretty sure they would have to be made out of titaniam to survive that much usage. Plus the pantry is located in such a small hallway so that if any door was left open no one could walk through. Super annoying! So when they broke AGAIN recently I decided to try a teen friendly doors off design. 

banished by-fold door

before

after - ta-da!

I'm watching them as closly as our dog on a squirrel to make sure things stay in their proper places. Only time will tell how long this system lasts - but I'm already wondering if there is a no-door fridge out there somewhere that would support our house of boys....hmmm.

3 Pics of Life with Boys 🤔🙄😳

When you ask your teen to save the box top. 🤔

When your teen randomly buys a stuffed kitty at a garage sale and then doesn’t know what to do with it. 🙄

When a boy goes to get a snack in the middle of a nerf battle???🤪

I Blinked

I blinked and these three turned 15, 13 and 10! How did that happen?! We had so much fun celebrating each of them - my spring babies.

Thing 1 had a bunch of guys over for football and battlefront and lots of pizza!

Thing 3 celebrated with cheesecake and lasertag with a couple good buddies.

Thing 2 had his bday on spring break in AZ and requested this shirt!

But before we left we managed to surprise him with a Narplings party!