4 More Easy Steps to Becoming an Old Lady

 Step 6. 

Now that your kids tower over you, and try to push you over when they hug you, they are not so small and cuddly any more. Brace yourself for a big row with hubby and buy a small dog that will forever remain cute and cuddly (except when it is barfing up the stick of butter it swiped off the table).

Step 7. 

Time to put those knitting skills to good use now that you actually have time to knit again - there are hundreds of free doggy knitting patterns just calling your name.

Step 8. 

Remember the good ol' days (a year ago) when you used to go to body pump three times a week? That was silly! Instead of bulking up you are more focused on stretching out those tight achy muscles at yoga.

Step 9. 

 Say goodbye to real butter, white rice, white bread, anything tasty…except chocolate, never say goodbye to good dark chocolate.

5 Easy Steps to Becoming an Old Lady

 With the top of the hill in (hind) sight, I pause to the reflect on the easy downhill slide into older age. And yes, I know in 20 years I'll think 40ish is young, but the progression to older is gradual even if it comes faster every year. Here are 5 easy steps to join me in "laughing at the future" (Proverbs 31:25). 

Step 1

Instead of posting pics of your cute babies because they now are too busy glaring at you in embarrassed dismay, post pictures of the flowers, tomatoes and green beans you are growing this year. 

Step 2

Now that you have all teens they stay up way past your own bedtime. Instead of reading to them perched on the side of their beds, let them turn out the light for you on their way out of your room after you enjoy another chapter together. Or, more likely, remind them to clean up after their 3rd post dinner snack as you head off to bed.

Step 3

Ask your husband to buy you a hummingbird feeder for your birthday. Now that you don't have to constantly be watching your kids to keep them from serious injury, you have a few moments to watch other things. 

Step 4

You might be feeling discouraged by now so let me give you one tip to govern that downhill speed. With a few adjustments you can put off glasses even longer - just increase that font size on your kindle and convince your family to move the family pew up a few rows. The upside to continuing to put off getting glasses is you can't see those new laugh lines very well.

Step 5

Comment frequently on the weather, your latest lab results and PT for that tendinitis. Privately ponder over how your undergarments all started rapidly shrinking - surely the dryer is on the fritz or it's cheap GMO'd defective cotton. Commiserate with your friends over coffee how they just don't make things to last like they used to in the good ol' days.

Lest you think these years are far ahead of you, be careful and watch your step!